The Austim Discussion -- our story and my thoughts. ( This is a long blog)

 So , there is a very interesting discussion going on , on the  autism speaks blog. Someone asked if it is the right thing  to medicate to try and get neurotypicality results. I feel families have to make the best choices they feel are the most helpful for their kids. My 11 year old son has autism , he got diagnosed with adhd @ 5 yrs old and autism at 9. I had researched the topic heavily prior to a diagnosis, and drew my own conclusion that in his case he was going to be on the spectrum. In his case it mainly targets some academics and social skills. He wants to have friends but alot of course don't understand him and how he is. His memory is amazing, however his understanding of the year or timeframe it occured is usually off. He may tell someone a story and say it happened a week ago , yet it happened when he was 3. However on the flip side when it comes to time on the clock and punctuality , he's on time and he expects everyone else to be as well lol. Naturally he is very much about routine , and always wants to know what's going to happen next. He was born 2 months early  and spent 6 weeks in nicu. Blood transfusions, low weight it was very touch and go. Over the years he's had surgeries for a terrible reflux issue, 3 sets of tubes from his ent , as well as his tonsils and adnoids out. Also he had an eye muscle surgery , while his vision has always been perfect there was something about the muscles that had to be corrected. Around two yrs old came the head banging.  He was in motor skills and speech therapy. The head banging freaked me out.. he'd get on all 4's when he was upset and drive his forehead into carpet , concrete , tile it didn't matter... it didn't make him cry more and everyone had an opinion on it.  He was spoiled and throwing a tantrum, pick him up don't let him hurt himself , let him be when it hurts enough he'll stop. I was completely at a loss.  So, at the age of 3 came the first test for autism , and it came back negative. So , i was pretty confused , scared and still at a loss. Potty training was a nightmare, he finally got # 1 at 3 yrs old and # 2 at 4 yrs old. He had to do it on his own time, is what i came to learn. I'm his rock so to speak so he holds eye contact with me well and is closer to me than anyone. He has trouble with eye contact and holding it with others however. There's the crazy facial expressions he makes and sounds and that's not predictable.  Then there's the random noises or sayings.. which he loves commercials and if we're at a drive thru window he always feels it necessary to holler out that places slogan on their commercials to whoever is taking the money at the drive thru.  Like Arby's he told the lady , MAN THIS IS GOOD MOOD FOOD.  lol.  He's really funny without knowin he's  funny or trying to be.. he's actually very serious when he says that stuff.  He takes everything literal.  There was a bad odor in the car one day from driving past a sewer line and he said .. i know why the car stinks cause it always has gas. LOL. I cracked up and he looked at me puzzled and asked why i was laughing because he said nothing funny. Then comes the obsessions.. video games and wwe wrestling, and in the last 14 months he's added basketball to the list.  When he got diagnosed , everyone had suggestions, one was the gluten free diet. I passed on that , due to it can help with digestive tract issues but i don't think it was right for my child specifically.  Now there is an oxycontin nose spray , and some special lotion that may have benefits. I research , talk to his docs, and research some more. I'm not going to jump into anything without really trying to make sure it's best for him. Austim is very difficult on parents.. in fact something like 70% of married couples divorce when a child has special needs in the home. However, autism is ten times harder on the person who actually lives with it.  My son Julius is from a previous relationship , he and his father are still close .. however his dad hasn't handled the diagnosis well.  My husband tries to be a good step parent without stepping on anyone's toes.  It's been a learning process for all of us. Julius is built just like his dad, who is 6'6 and 205 tall and thin. Julius is about 4'8 or 4'9 typical for his age and 60 pounds soaking wet. He eats like a human garbage disposal and doesn't gain weight easily at all.  Then jump to my 4 yr old son Ethan who i have with my husband.  He is 4 and is taking on the same potty training problems his brother had, he however refuses to obey well for anyone other than his dad, and mimics and mocks my oldest son's sayings and mannerisms.. copies them more or less. So i have an older one that can't help it and a younger one that acts like his brother who can't help it lol. I have to chuckle at times , other wise i'd cry about it constantly. So naturally now i get paranoid with my youngest.. is it a faze , or is this going to be a diagnosis my youngest ends up with also ?  My oldest is in behavioral therapy, to manage and target the issues his autism effects.. like teach him to hold better eye contact with people etc for example. He'll probably be in this program for life , since there is no cure for autism. That's where the debate lies, if there becomes a magic pill do you give it to them ?  Some say this is the way god made them and it's a part of who they are , others would argue it's a quality of life issue not only for the person with the diagnosis but for the family caring for them.  At the end up the day it comes down to people have to do what's right for their child and for their own family. It's very taxing to raise a child period , let alone one with special needs. However for as taxing as it can be , the journey so far with him has been rewarding. He's so sweet and forgiving and helpful and loving. I try to help him as much as i can with anything, but he's helped me in more ways than people can grasp.  I love both of my children and i'm very lucky to have each of them. I've also come to terms long ago that there is about a 75% chance he'll never be independant and will live at home for the rest of his life. I'm going to get him on the waiting list that's about 5 yrs long for a possible job coach, because some with autism can be computer whiz's , or assembly line workers, or even if it came down to it a grocery boy at the store.. i want to give him every fighting chance for any slice of independance he can have in his life.  Man i'm blessed with my family and my two sons, i love them more than life itself.  I know that  Autism effects each kiddo differently.  Some don't speak , don't speak much, or they  communicate fine. Some are passive, and some are very aggressive. Some refuse affection and some are affectionate.  In his case he's very passive , very affectionate and sometimes i think could out talk the micro machine man lol. Now comes the new chapter of him starting middle school in august, of course i worry but don't let him know that. I give him tomorrow's plans to ease his mind but to ease my mind this is a journey we take together , and we take it one day at a time. Honestly,   one person put it to me best when they said  , that when you've met one child with autism , you've met ONE child with autism. Oh how right they are !

This is in regards to fans of sports

 A friend of mine and i , have been having a disagreement on what makes a true , or a great fan.  He says if someone supports a college football team , they must also support and follow all of the college's other sports programs to be a true and supportive fan. lol. Here's my answer to that one ! This is the same reply i left him and my thoughts on the topic. This touches on what we talked about the other day. If i'm an o.u. fan , osu fan , etc if i don't watch o.u. wrestling that doesn't mean i'm not a true fan. Most people don't have time to follow ( watch )  each section of all the schools sports programs. I hope the best for them and hope they do well  , but people are going to follow what is interesting to them to watch. I have always been a o.u. college football fan.. college basketball doesn't interest me too much. On the flip side i've watch nba basketball forever , back to when jordan played and magic still played. A fairweather or bandwagon fan is someone who only is cheering for a team when they do well, and are winning, but ready to jump ship at anytime, to cheer for another team.  I think you are a very supportive u.t. fan , but not because you follow their basketball , football , wrestling, baseball and  rugby .. NO. You are a supportive fan because you wouldn't stop rooting for them when they door poorly.  Now as far as women watching , some only started watching basketball when the thunder came here , and most couldn't have told you what a layup is.  So for the women who didn't follow the nba until we got our own team does that make them bad fans ? Not really, i'm glad in this day in age people can band together and cheer for anything and be positive.  If someone likes something sports wise and roots for something , and tries hard to understand it and doesn't jump ship when they lose , to me THAT'S what makes them a good fan, NOT if they watch all of the sections of sports a college has to offer. Without looking it up how did the U.T. cheerleaders do in cheer competition ? Oh wait you don't follow it ! Lol. see how silly that sounds ?  People follow what interests them, plain and simple. My husband loves soccer , i've never enjoyed it .. he's a soccer fan and i'm not. So what ? We watch and do what we enjoy in life, as long as you support your team in the good and the bad, you are holding up your end in your sports marriage in my opinion.